


Color Theory

by viv_is_spooky



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast), Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Desert Bluffs (mentioned), Gen, Mike is the mayor of Desert Bluffs, NVCR Host Gerry, Night Vale, Sheriff Daisy, Transcript of Episode 1 Edited to Reflect Gerry as the host of NVCR, Typical Night Vale Weirdness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:02:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26561083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viv_is_spooky/pseuds/viv_is_spooky
Summary: A historian has arrived in Night Vale.
Relationships: Gerard Keay & Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Gerard Keay/Jonathan “Jon” Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 15
Kudos: 69





	1. The Historian

Everything you fear can be explained using color theory. Don’t believe me? Look at the lights that pass over your house every night. Welcome to Night Vale.

Hello, ladies and entities.

To get it over with, let’s start off with this notice I’m required to read:

The City Council announces the opening of a new Dog Park at the corner of Breekon and Hope, near the Ralph's. They would like to remind everyone that dogs are not allowed in the Dog Park. People are not allowed in the Dog Park.

It is possible you will see a wolf bearing vague resemblance to Sheriff Tonner in the Dog Park.

Do not approach it. **Do not approach the Dog Park.**

The fence is made of spider silk, and you will get caught and eaten if you attempt to climb it.

Try not to look at the Dog Park, and especially do not look for any period of time at the wolf. The Dog Park will not harm you. Probably.

... _Yeah_. Time for the news.

Adelard Dekker, out near the old church, says the Angels revealed themselves to him. Said they were ten feet tall, radiant, and helped him with various excorcisms. One of them changed a light bulb for him after it got blown out by an angry spirit. He’s offering to give the light bulb, which has been touched by an angel, to anyone needing protection from supernatural entities. If you’re interested, contact Adelard Dekker. He’s out near the old church.

Someone new came into town today. Who is he? What does he want? Why his intelligent eyes? Why his furrowed brow and beautiful hair?

He says he‘s a historian. S’pose we’re all historians, in a way.

But why here, now? And what does he plan to do with all those tape recorders he’s keeping in a storage unit next to Stoker’s Pizza?

No one does a slice like the Stoker brothers. **No one.**

Okay, now let’s talk about parenting tips. My mother may not have known what was best for our family, but I like to think I learned from her... _mistakes._

Anyway. When taking your children out to play in the scrublands and the sand wastes, bring water for them and make sure there's a shade tree in the area. Also, keep an eye on the colors of the helicopters circling overhead.

Are the unmarked helicopters circling the area black? Probably Dark Aligned. You should leave, unless you want to deal with menacing shadow creatures that fall from the sky.

Are they blue? That's the Sheriff's Secret Police. Sheriff Tonner told me to say her helicopters are safe, but honestly, I’ve heard of them swooping down to kidnap people before. So... just be careful, okay?

Are they painted with complex murals depicting mannequins in various dance positions? No one knows what those helicopters are, or what they want. Leave the area immediately or risk forgetting everything you’ve ever known. A Sheriff's Secret Police person will leave a daisy on your porch when it’s safe to leave the house again. Cover your ears to blot out the screams - or don’t, if you want to know what’s  _ really _ going on.

And remember, ignorance is not always bliss. But water is always better for you than Gatorade.

A commercial airliner flying through local airspace disappeared today, only to reappear in the Night Vale Elementary gymnasium during basketball practice. Wasn’t pretty, but nobody got hurt. Before it could strike any players or structure, it vanished again.

The Vast really needs to stop interfering with our town on behalf of Desert Bluffs. I know Mayor Mike Crew sacrificed his humanity to give his soul to the void in a ritual, but come  _ on_ _._ I really don’t think the sky should play favorites.

The new historian - Jon, he introduced himself as - called a town meeting to ask a series of questions about  why exactly we have multiple records of history in the local public library. When I tried to explain how annually rewriting history works here in Night Vale, he looked at me like he’d seen a ghost. His eyes widened, expressive and determined - if confused -, and I... I think I’d like to know him better.

Agents of the Beholding were in the back of the room, watching.

I fear for Jon. I fear for Night Vale. I fear for anyone caught between the world they know and the horrors they don't yet know that they don’t know.

Alright, new press release - The Buried is proud to announce the opening of the brand new Night Vale Harbor and Waterfront Drowning Area. It’s actually quite pretty.

Now, there is some concern about the lack of water at the water front in our little desert town. But hey, that means you don’t need to worry about getting dragged underwater when you visit.

Just watch out for the sand. Can’t imagine drowning in sand would be a good way to go.

The local chapter of the NRA is selling bumper stickers as part of their fundraising week. They sent the station one to get some publicity. It reads:

“Guns don't kill people.

It's impossible to be killed by a gun.

We are all invincible to bullets and it's a miracle.”

To order one, just... you know what, no. Nope. Not encouraging that.

Jon, the historian, called to say that one of the houses in the new development of Shelley Creek, out back of the elementary school, doesn't actually exist. When asked how he reached that conclusion, he mumbled something about how he “just knew.” His hair was still beautiful.

Lights. Seen in the sky above the Arby's. Those who know what they are did not obtain that knowledge through human means.

To know what they are, you must sacrifice your current state of being.

But, ladies and entities, I can tell you this: the future is here, and it's about 100 feet above the Arby's.

An update from Jon as he looks into our town’s history - apparently, seismic data from the last 20 years indicates at least 35 major earthquakes that should’ve destroyed buildings. While we as a town haven’t felt any major earthquakes in at  least a century. 

Hmm. I  Know our equipment works - check it every year. Well, you learn something new every day I guess. Maybe we should all file insurance claims anyway, see what we can get.

Now, time to move on to traffic. There’ve been reports of ghost cars on the highway, apparently going faster than the legally ‘safe’ speed for a metal deathtrap. I mean, it could be the ghosts just don’t care - can’t die twice, right? Don’t match their speed - if you’re not already dead - and you should be fine.

According to the Sheriff’s Secret Police, you  _can_ safely follow the overhead lights of Simon Fairchild’s disco night skydiving plane. For all his recklessness, he seems to be a pretty safe driver.

And now, the weather.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weather: “Strange Days” by The Doors


	2. Broken Umbrellas and Angels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Books: can they kill your children?   
> Yes.

Welcome back - that sure was some  _strange_ weather, wasn’t it?

While looking through photographs of Night Vale sunsets through the years, Jon and his assistants discovered - using a combination of time stamps and research about historical sunset times in nearby areas - that the sun has always set 10 minutes late here.

We’ve always had 10 more minutes of light than the world around us. And 10 more minutes of stifling heat, yes, but that’s not the point.

Life, contrary to what Mayor Manuela Dominguez claims, would likely be more difficult without the sun. Without the ability to know what’s out there, on the horizon.

The City Council would like to remind you about the approach of the Extinction, and also the hierarchy of Angels. The reminder is that you should not know anything about either of these topics.

Please do not speak to or acknowledge any broken umbrellas or Angels you may see while shopping at the Ralphs, or the Yellow Door Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex. Angels only tell lies and do not exist - nor does the Extinction.

And now, a public service announcement.

Books: can they kill your children?

Yes.

Really, this shouldn’t be news. We all know about the Library of Jurgen Leitner. We all know how his hubris led to a book that created the creatures now known to Night Vale as  librarians .

_ Jurgen Leitner... _

Anyway , back to the Yellow Door Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex. Its owner, Helen Richardson, reports that she has found the entrance to a vast underground city in the pin retrieval area of Lane 5. Not vast as in  Vast , just big. She reported looking down amusedly at the city’s spires and broad avenues, wondering how best to make its residents question their own sanity.

Of course, it  _ is _ Helen. Being of lies and all that. Dunno if we should believe her without proof.

Jon came into the recording booth during the weather report.Wouldn’t stay for an interview, though. He had a bunch of old photographs of the radio station with him and said he was checking to see which one most accurately matched the  current state of the radio station - some project about cyclical architectural fashions, I think.

He hummed thoughtfully as he surveyed the booth, photographs in one hand and whirring tape recorder in another, every so often muttering observations. His beautiful hair, streaked with silver like the moon, was piled atop his head and held in place by a pencil.

The pencil looked like it was about to slide out at one point, so I reached over and fixed it. He gave me a very confused look. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that look on such an intelligent face before.

Well, looks like it’s just about time to end the show for the night.

So goodnight, ladies and entities! I hope you sleep like the dead.

_ Today’s Proverb: Dying isn’t so bad. It’s staying dead that sucks. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Proverb is just a direct quote from MAG 111 
> 
> & Again, I used @cecilspeaks ‘s transcript for episode 1 of WTNV for a baseline.

**Author's Note:**

> [Weather: “Strange Days” by The Doors]
> 
> I used the transcript of Episode 1 posted by @cecilspeaks on tumblr.


End file.
